seriously??

Well it has been such a long time since I have blogged… lost track but I am back. I think life is full of unexpected turns and right now I am on the ride but not sure where it is going… 

I am frustrated. First I really don’t understand people. I mean you think one thing but then it ends up being something else. As someone who tries to follow Jesus I find it hard to do at times. It is hard to trust Him with so many things in my life when I know that things never turn out the way they do in my head… I have come to realize that I am an analyzer. I never would have thought that before but for some reason I find myself analyzing conversations, people, what they really mean etc. I don’t remember always being like that so I am wondering if this is a new character trait or one I am just becoming self aware of. Either way, I am realizing this and I don’t know how to analyze certain things I mean I try to be honest and say what I mean. People almost always know where I stand on things it’s others that I don’t have a clue on. I use to think I was really perceptive.. but now I am just not sure. Maybe I have been wrong all along. Maybe I don’t really know how to read people anymore …

Europe

Well, I am back from Europe. It was one of the best trips I have ever taken. I just feel so blessed to have been able to go. When I think about it, I know that God hasn’t answered some big prayers for me but I feel blessed in so many other ways. I mean I have seen DiVinci’s Mona Lisa, Michelangelo’s David, Raphael’s Fresco’s, Rode the London Eye, heard the organ play in Westminster Abby, ate waffles in Belgium, Ran through the hills in Austria, singing ” The hills are alive, with the sound of music”, Went into a salt mine, 8 meters underground, Rode in a boat down the Rhine River, seeing castles the whole way, real castles, went to Nuremberg and prayed in a church there, went to St. Mark’s square, rode in a gondola twice in my life, walked in the Colosseum, ate gelato on the Spanish steps, saw Marimtine prison, where Peter and Paul were held. Went to the tomb of Paul in the basilica outside of Rome, saw the Sistine Chapel-twice, experienced home made Italian food, seen Michelangelo’s David- twice, seen where many famous people have been buried in St. Croce’s church, went to the top of Mt. Titlist- 10K feet high, walked through an ice cave, saw Lake Lucerne and some other amazing water spots, went to the Eiffel Tower, saw Psyche and cupid in the Louvre, as well as the Mona Lisa, I just feel overcome with blessings. I know God has showered me with his love and mercy. I am in awe of Him. 

Excitement for Europe

Well, I leave next week to spend almost 3 weeks in Europe. i am so excited! I am going to the UK, Germany, Belgium, Austria, Switzerland, France, Italy- I can’t wait. This has been my favorite year teaching at school but I am still ready for the year to be over. I am so blessed to be able to go to Europe for 3 weeks- I am praying that God will refresh me while I am there. That I would return, renewed and with a sense of purpose. I am praying that He would speak to me as well. I know I could live overseas, and I am praying that God would let me know if that is something He has for me over the next few years. Where and what I woudl do is always the issue and the things that I would do there… so I will pray for ministry connection and just that God would really speak.

I plan to take many pictures and to really enjoy other cultures in my short trip to each location! I am looking at this as a scouting expedition- to eventually be revisited with more in depth study:-) Did I mention we only get to bring 1 suitcase- no more than 50lbs? I take that to KY to visit my family! I am a girl and one that tends to overpack-  I will let you know how it goes.

Dissatisfaction- Selfishness?

Once again I feel like I am in the same place as usual. It is hard for me. I am so dissatisfied with church. I moved here to plant churches or at least a church and since the time we laid that down at the cross I have had a very hard time finding a church for me. So once again this is so blatant in my life. I seriously do not even like to go to church anymore. I am not plugged into a church so I have no community and I am so dissatisfied with it. On one hand I have tried a few places… when discussing this with a friend recently he mentioned maybe I was being selfish. That I was more focused on meeting my needs then doing what God wanted or if I wasn’t being “fed” then is that a reason to leave… This got me thinking. Am I being selfish, is that what this is about? I am just being selfish? I am too interested in hearing the word of God preached from the pulpit without it being watered down by psychological application at every turn. Was it selfish of me to think I wanted more. Was it selfish of me to wonder where God had gone in my life? Was it selfish of me to desire true community and not what I have been experiencing the past few years? Was that being selfish? I mean I have done home groups for these years and I don’t know that we truly spoke about God except in regards to questions/answers. Not how he was moving in our hearts, not for real. Is this because I am getting older and still single? That as singles we tend to be too focused on us and busy in our own lives to have true community? Is that a right of the married and families only? I can’t believe that? Isn’t this the time in our life (singleness) when we can do the most for God? Where is that in the single communities I have experienced? Disclaimer- not everyone in those communities don’t think of God- I am issuing a general statement of my feelings and beliefs.

I mean we have heard it from the preacher- you are not being fed so you leave and have had guilt and shame forced on us to stay in a place where we are not growing. It comes back to us anyway right? Shouldn’t we be able to grow on our own without the pastor/preacher/minister teaching us? Isn’t it up to me to ask God to give me something, even if it is small from those Sunday messages? Am I being selfish when I want more? When I feel like I need more? When I am sad to think of the situation I am in?

Then I started to think more and pray more. I spoke to another friend and asked if she thought it was just selfishness on my part to desire close community and strong messages from the Word of God. I explained the situation and she said No- it was good to be dissatisfied. there are a lot of bogus churches out there.

It has been a year since I have served in some ministry capacity at a church, I feel I minister daily in my teaching of high school and junior high students. But I can’t even seem to find a place to belong.

So I am asking God to reveal Himself to me again, in powerful ways. I know He will. I am asking Him to show me His will for my life. Is it just the turning in my heart for something new that is about to happen? Is it God speaking or am I just too focused on me?
I am asking God Seeking God, Knocking on the door for God.

Sailing the Euterpe

Last night we took all of our 7th graders to the Euterpe. A sailing boat to spend the night. Needless to say I am so tired today! The purpose is “living history” I teach a 7th grade World History class and we discussed the fact that in the 1800s men would become sailors to earn a living, usually when they could not do anything else or had no where to go. It was a common way to earn a living. Our ship the Euterpe was leaving London and we were all men who were to be the crew. So I was Mr.Blankenship and all of my students were called by last names only. We were divided up into different crews, I have to say I really enjoyed my crew. We were the boatswains- in charge of ringing the bells on the ship. Did you know that no one had time pieces so they were all listening to the bells on the ship. They ring every 30 minutes, in pairs so you could hear 1-8 different bells. Sailors would work 4 hours then get a break for 4 hours. So we were the time keepers. Anyway, all the students got to do hands on things, coiling rope, furling the sails, riding the boatswains chair, etc. The kids all did stuff, the tall sailors (adults) just stood back and watched. Plus so much fun singing – we had to learn all kinds of fun songs to do while we worked.. What would you do with a drunken sailor- no one like a drunk on the ship, or Rio Grande, Roll the Chariot, Leave her Johnny . It was great! So fun. However, when it came to night time, I realized quickly I would not want to a) be a sailor or b) live in the 1800s. Not that I needed this demonstration before hand. We had to sleep on the boats floor with sleeping bags only, no pillows and we all had to do 2 hours of night watch. So my crew was lucky enough to go first. I was thankful for that. So we got to do 4 different things on deck while others were sleeping. I was so tired today when we got back. None of us had to go back to school thank goodness. I took a 2 hour nap!

Reflecting on life in the 1800s it made me realize that we really have it made. We are living in such a time as this, running water, comfortable beds, choices galore, I can’t imagine living in a different time like that. waiting for loved ones gone on a ship for months, up to a year even. Plus, in those times, there was no communication like today. Getting word from a loved one was rare. There was no internet, phones from ships, letter writing was the way. A very romantic way even now. But you could hopefully pass a ship heading to your home port and if so they would take letters back for you. Without that your loved ones would have to wait for you on land, praying for your safety. It makes me think of those in the navy today, having to leave their loved ones, months to years. Going to places like Iraq for our freedom. Yet in times past that was the norm. So different than today.

fight until the end

So I am studying the book of Daniel and God is speaking to me. But I was reading through my lesson this week and some things just jumped out. In Daniel 7:25 it talks about how the antichrist will oppress the saints. Oppress literally means “to wear out” as one would wear out a garment. I just think that Satan’s persecutions will reach full measure eventually in the “end times” but he can oppress us even now. Almost always that is tied to a lie, he tries to bind us in knots. One of Satan’s most effective schemes is simply to wear us out. He uses exhaustion and profound discouragement to persuade us to give up opposing him. He may be able to wear out our human strength but not the holy spirit in us… it is just a reminder of how we need to persist in our fight until the end.

American Idol- what happens at a taping?

Yesterday was an experience. I was able to get tickets to see a live taping of American Idol (AI). I brought all of the varsity cheerleaders that could come, my friend Rebecca, and last minute we had a girl not be able to make it so we brought another kid from school- male. The only male in our bunch- he survived:-) The girls were so excited. We left Vista around 10:30 am and headed up to LA. We had lunch at a pizza place on Rodeo Drive. It was really good, organic, whole wheat pizza but very yummy. Then we headed to the CBS studios for our “live taping”. It was super exciting. The girls were so excited- which really made it fun. We made it into the “pit” area. We were in the front. Actually some intersting things about the taping…1) There is a guy that comes out during the commercial breaks and at the beginning to help get us pumped up. He was great. Very funny and he definitely made it exciting2) They like to keep the “young people” closest to being on camera. Luckily Rebecca and I still look young. When we were coming in they moved 1/2 of us including Rebecca and I to right in front of the stairs next to the stage. The other group of girls were actually 2nd row center of the stage. But here is what is so funny- one of the many people with headsets kept coming to our area and behind us was a group of older people. She kept asking them to take 2 steps back and 2 steps to the right (away from the stage). Then she proceeded to continue to put other “youngens” in front of them. This is what I think of typical LA3) We were told how to clap, good things we were cheerleaders b/c clapping we have down. But arms had to be above our heads, as well as swaying with slow songs. If you didn’t do it correctly you were moved as well. They wanted what looked good for the audience.4) The performances are even better live. The group did amazing. I really enjoyed hearing them live as well as the production, there was tons of energy during the performances.5) Paula Abdul is so very nice. She made an effort to head down to the pit area at almost all commercial breaks- hugging all of my girls (who could not have been happier) and then spraying us with perfume. How nice and personable she was. She literally hugged a ton of people- real hugs not just pats on the back hugs.6)We saw Simon Cowell coming into the taping in his Rolls Royce. He stopped right in front of our group (we had to line up on the sidewalk, for a while). He was also nice and asked us if we were heading to the show. Leaving we saw Ryan Seacrest (who is pretty short) leaving in his aston martin. He had changed quickly out of the suit into a ball cap and t-shirt and jeans- a look I love:-)We ended the night we dinner outside of Graumans Chinese Theater. The girls and Kenny had an amazing time so that made it worth it!  

The “race” for the Presidency

It saddens me at times to think of the state that our country is in. Truly saddens me. I think about the many people who struggle and need help, and the society so like Babylon that we indulge in on a daily basis and it makes it challenging. This year the race for the President is an interesting one. I teach government to 12th graders and we are actively watching the democrats and their race for who will be their candidate. In reality it is an exciting time in history. Normally, we already know who will be running for each party without the votes of millions of people. As unfortunate as it is that is the way the system works. However, i as a citizen am tired of this broken down system of government that we currently have. Although I always see positives and negatives to both parties there are always areas that I also completely disagree with. But that is what makes us Americans we have the freedom to disagree and are able to express it. I think our country needs a major overhaul and I am not positive any of the candidates can do it. But at least Barack Obama admits that it can’t be done with one candidate and one 4 year term.  I did watch  Barack Obama’s speech on racism. I have to say that the man can speak. He inspires me. Does that mean I think he can achieve all he claims? No Does it mean I agree with him on every issue? No But do I think we need to see change in our country? Yes?   I think our country needs change and I do believe that if either other candidate gets elected there will be no change and it will continue as business as usual. I know that’s not what I want. After listening to his speech, it made me think of the effect race has had and still has on our country. I can even see it in my students.I have taught for only 4 years. However, their opinions on immigrants in our country has gone from bad to worse and if I am honest many times mine has too. But what I liked about Barack’s speech was not just that he addressed slavery and how it has influenced african americans through this current generation but he also addressed the other side of the coin. Not leaving anyone out. He realized that there could also be resentment built up in the rest of America as well. That is what makes me like him. I dont’ see him so far to the left or the right either way on this issue. I think of my own upbringing. I was raised in KY (I consider it the south) and there were defintely times I saw racisim in those around me. I was “bussed” in junior high. There was a great neighborhood middle school in walking distance but instead I was sent almost 40 minutes away. It was hard and at times scary but I still think I got a good education, learned a lot, remember a ton from jr. hgih and many things that happened there were what has added to me being me. Even though in our generation and the ones younger don’t have a good perspective of what those older than us truly had to go through. It has to give us a different perspective.I loved it that Obama knows we need to help ourselves, we can’t only depend on the government to do things for us. We can help each other; but must we rely on an institution that can be corrupt and not always looking out for the best of it’s citizens? Something to consider.I am not sure who I plan to vote for in November I just know there are many things to look at. I will be looking for truth and someone who I believe can add to this country that we live in. There is much more in my mind on this topic and as Nov approaches there will be much more to say. 

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired”- Robert Frost

Okay, I know this isn’t always the best thing but I am an avid movie watcher. It goes back to my dad and I. When I was younger we would always go to a movie and have dinner. It was like a dad date. As I got older and moved away from my family whenever I would come home my dad and I would still do our “dad date”. We loved watching movies together and discussing them. Then my dad would send me the movies we enjoyed (or the ones I did) on DVD. So I have a big collection. My dad passed away a little over a year ago and I can’t help but still do my dad dates even if I go with friends or alone. It makes me think of my dad and miss him…

Anyway today I got out of school early and decided to see a movie I know my dad would have watched. 10,000 BC. I have to say I really enjoyed it. It was nothing like I thought it would be. Spoiler alert…

It was really a love story. It was about a man who is in love with a girl in his tribe. They love each other for a long time (as in most love stories, there has to be a problem) but he has to “win” the hunt to be able to have her. Always the girl is out of reach. So he pursues the hunt and doesn’t win her fairly so he “gives her up”. She of course is devastated. She loves him and wants to be with no other. He had to chose between letting her go and doing the honorable thing for his tribe. She feels hurt that he has “given her up”. This is all in the first part of the movie. Well they are attacked and she is taken with many of the tribes’ men. So what does the man who loves her do? Pursue her of course. Just like all women, she longs to be pursued by the man she loves. She believes in him and knows he will come for her. So he does, and he goes through many courageous things to pursue his love. He is willing to die for her. He also comes to realize the man he truly is and knows that they are worthy of each other. Not just one worthy of the other but both are worthy. I love that. I think often in our world we think we are not worthy or that we are too worthy of the other. But they were worthy of each other. I love the warrior in this movie, he pursues his love until the ends of the earth and joins with others to fight for a cause to help everyone. He is brave and courageous. He is a true warrior.

I think about Jesus in this scenario. How He pursues us, over the ends of the earth. He calls us worthy of Him for He has chosen us. Isn’t that what we all desire, to be chosen, picked, wanted, for who we are and how God has made us? I love that. Jesus pursues us, goes where we go, helps us to see who we really are. He even gives Simon the name Peter to tell him he knows that he is the Rock. God knows us already- He knows who we are to be. It is up to us to step out and move forward. The warrior in the movie had to find his own courage to follow his heart and pursue the girl. I wonder what God is calling us to pursue?

Drugs in our water

I read an article today from the AP regarding traces of drugs in our drinking supply. For a girl like me, that is not good news. I personally rarely take medicine at all -ever. I will rarely take anything for a headache or some minor pain. I am bad about going to the doctor and I am worse about taking prescribed medication. It is not to say that I don’t think people should take medicine. I believe that there are many out there who should be medicated and I think it is a personal choice. However, I don’t take it. I just don’t like to put so many things into my body. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect when it comes to what goes in my body. However, I have been anti-medication for a long time. What I mean by that is I chose not to drug or medicate myself, this is a personal choice. However, if I felt I really needed medication I would take it. I just think we take it too easily to ease the pain. I think sometimes a little pain is good.

I think we over-medicate here in America. We put kids as young as 2 or 3 on Riddline for being active (usually boys) and wonder what is going on with the boys in our country. We are constantly taking away who they are and asking them to be someone or something else- however, I digress this is a different topic.

They have recently found traces of pharmaceutical drugs in our water supplies, all over America. This frustrates me 1) because I don’t want any type of medication in my body unless I put it there 2) I feel pulled from both ends. Those wanting to protect the environment don’t like us to use so many plastic water-bottles and now if our purifying system is not working on tap water what are we to drink??? It is a sad day. I just wonder what is going on in America. We claim to have so much freedom but I am feeling constrained by the ins and outs of others all too often. Where is the freedom in that. Where is the change we need in our country over so many things. The drug companies are just one area.
To be fair, the article says it is in small amounts, what types of drugs you ask… antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones — have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans, an Associated Press investigation shows. (click here for the article). However, there is no proof of what the long term effects of these drugs in our water may do to us.

So it will be back to bottled water for me, I will try to do my part with the environment and continue to recycle and buy bigger bottles to use in my home. It makes me wonder what will others do who can’t afford that? Or what about countries who can’t afford to 1)medicate themselves for anything 2) drink clean water. What I take for granted.