“The first duty of love is to listen” Paul Tillich

Well as a Christian, when things keep coming at me in the same theme, I know God is trying to tell me something. At times I wish I could just catch on a little faster and get what He is saying sooner than I do.

That is definitely where I am currently in my life. For about the past year I have felt really dissatisfied with church. There have been weeks when I just didn’t go. I know as a Christian that can be taboo but it is the truth. I just felt there had to be more to God than what I was experiencing. I know God loves me and I have the theology behind it all but I was just dissatisfied. I had been praying about going into missions or church planting again but God hasn’t opened those doors yet.

Looking at the situation now, I wonder if I was settling for mediocracy, not only in my own life but in the church when the goal was to try to connect socially. I tend to be a very social person at times. At first I can be very shy, and if I am honest, I don’t share a lot of really deep things with those I don’t know or trust very well. I am just not that girl. However, I had felt the need to be with singles at the same stage of life that I am in. Now, I think maybe I was settling for mediocracy when God wants the Best of us. Not that there is anything wrong with being with people like you. But growth comes from being around those that are different. It is easy to love others like yourself it is much harder to love those that are different. I have always known that in some areas and situations- older and younger etc.

For the past few months my roommate and I have been discussing the fact that we are called to way more than where we are living; and in reality I think that by good “Christian” standards I am living okay. I have a ministry with the girls I work with in cheer, I belong to some Bible studies, I volunteer my time for things etc. But still I know there is more. Well I have been feeling God tug at my heart regarding this and I feel Him speaking even more now. It’s like the wax in my ears was really built up and it’s just starting to break. There is much more to come regarding this I know. I am only at the beginning.

First, I am doing a Bible study on the book of Daniel- it’s a Beth Moore study and I am not kidding when I say it is amazing. Truly it is. I am learning so much about God and how He calls us to Himself. We’ve only just begun but Daniel is called to Nebuchadnezzar’s court because he is seen as the best of his kind. However, even though he was offered overindulgence he asked to abstain and instead asked to be able to follow his God in Babylon. We all know the story but just knowing Daniel wanted more than his circumstances. He wanted more and knew God of Abraham would meet his needs. He was willing to stand up and live in a way that was different than the rest. Am I willing to stand up and live in a truly different way than the rest? Truly different than even what we are getting in the pews on Sundays? There was never a doubt with Daniel. Even when he asked Nebuchadnezzar to give him time to interpret the dream he had. What does God do? He honors Daniel’s prayer and answers it. The thing is Daniel and his friends were not just casually praying, their lives were at stake, they had to be on their knees seeking God persistently for what they needed. Then when it was revealed to Daniel what the dream was the others -his friends- had to trust that he was the one that really had heard from God. Maybe I am not praying the right prayers. That is how God is. He wants to be in our lives like that. Not just going to church on Sunday and sitting in a chair, having starbucks, and trying to be cool.

I am reading a book recommended to me. I had to put it down this week. It was too much. I am going to finish it don’t get me wrong but its speaking directly to my heart in areas that I know God is also trying to speak. Once I have read it I will be held accountable to what I know. Which is why I took the break… It talks about real life Christians, not in the church building but really living out their life for Christ. What does that really look like? I am asking God to show me. He seems to be answering. Most “good” churches talk about getting out into society and being a church without walls but where are people really doing that? I feel at times we are so consumed by our own Babylon that we have not refrained from what God has said no to. We are overindulged in everything myself included.

Church today- I decided to go to a church I went to about 4 years ago and actually attended for a year working with the youth. I left to find a place where socially I would have more opportunities to connect- Don’t get me wrong God may ask us to do that a times in our life, I am just not sure if what I was looking for has really been found. So my roommate and I decided to go back. Guess what the message was on??? It was on us being called to the world, relationship with God first, each other second, and the world third. But really going out and doing it, and in this body they do go out and do. The pastor even allowed the spirit to move stopping a little early and having a word for some of us there. The word was definitely for me. It was about not trusting God. There are some things that it is easy to trust Him with. However, I know I have issues with trusting Him in some other areas. There are times when I really want to trust God with everything but can’t. There are some dreams, desires, and pieces of me that seem to close to my heart to trust to God. So I got prayer for that today. God speaking and breaking the my heart. I don’t know what this means yet but I know God is on the move and I am waiting…listening… seeking…

Fun Day Practices

This week at school we had a “fun day” practice to end our season. It was great. It was optional so not all the girls came and we combined both JV and Varsity. Now many of you may be wondering… what is a fun day practice. I tend to be a pretty intense coach (I am working on it) so it is good to have some time when we can just goof off and have fun. So that is what we did. Of course everyone wanted to do stunting (putting girls in the air) with different people than normal. So we moved girls around, girls that are normally on top we had basing on the bottom and vice versa. It was great.

I have to say for myself that I also did both positions. It is good to sometimes not just “talk ” coach but to do. So I based as well. Hard stunts, one legged stunts as well as just easier ones. I flew a few different girls and of course pictures were taken. Once I have one I will post it. The funny thing about me basing is the height of the stunt. I am a short girl, so seriously the fliers were dying because they felt they were barely off the ground. I think they were high enough; my arms are extended in the air over my head so it’s not that short…. But it was super fun. Then they flew me. When I cheered I flew so that was fun as well. It was a great break for us and a great way to end the season!

I actually thought I might be sore from the “heavy lifting” but I guess working out pays off because I wasn’t. So being old isn’t so bad. This has definitely been the season of making the coach do things. At one of our practices before Nationals they also made me do a back handspring (gymnastics- if you don’t know) at the gym. So I did and of course they video taped it. It was on the tumbletrack onto a big mat ( I didn’t want to die- and it has been a loooooong time since I have tumbled in college) but it was fun.

It helps for the girls to remember that cheer is fun and that it’s not always hard work. Now we are on a break until try-outs and then won’t start the season until April!! I don’t know what I am going to do with all the time I will have in the afternoons.

“Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending”. Lazurus Long

First, I am off today! Woo hoo! One of the many joys of being a teacher, random off day’s like President’s Day. Don’t get me wrong I think we should all celebrate our Presidents but it is very exciting to get a day off with it!

This weekend and today is one where I have mixed emotions, but all good. I coach competitive cheerleading at the school I teach at. This weekend was the last competition of our season. We did amazing! We won 1st in our division and then “Grand Champs” meaning we were the best team of the whole competition. It was so exciting. We were not at all expecting to win Grand Champs, it usually goes to teams that are larger than mine. I only have 10 girls on varsity. So it made for an amazing day.

Today, however, is our banquet. Which really means our season is over. We do cheer year round here. Only taking a break from now until about mid-April. Tonight we have our banquet to honor the girls for all of their hard work. This will be one of the toughest for me. My three seniors and I are very close. They even call me Momma T at times (in reality I am still too young to be their moms- I would of had them at 14 or 15) but it still shows the closeness. I have coached them all since they were freshmen and they have been on Varsity since they were sophomores. Yesterday was the perfect ending to an amazing season for us. But tonight I know there will be tears overflowing from us all, as well as their parents. This sport is a lot of time and hard work, perseverance is needed, as well as God’s grace. It has been amazing to coach these girls and to see them become young ladies in Christ. I know this is the beginning of a new chapter for them and I am excited to see what God has in store but it is still hard. They were my first to go all 4 years with and will always be “special”. I am including a link to some video of us this year. If you are interested in seeing some good cheerleading this is what you can watch so far. Both videos were done at a school gym so gymnastics is watered down a little but you still get to see them.

Tonight will be sad but with every ending there is a new beginning for us all.

To see Varsity perform their competition routine click here

To see Varsity perform at the pep rally this year click here

Finally to see JV click here

Valentines Day

Okay, so today is the 14th of Feb. Valentines Day. It may say it’s the 15th on the date stamp, but in California it is still the 14th. Sometimes I love this day and sometimes I don’t. It doesn’t depend on if I have a valentine, (I usually don’t ) it depends on my mood. Today I vetoed red and decided to wear blue instead. However, I did get some valentines from students and one of my 7th graders gave me some chocolate. I took out the Dove (which is so yummy) and immediately (after the student was gone) gave the rest away, a girl can only have so much chocolate.

However, I thought I would share with you the thoughts that Dove had regarding love. These were all on the inside of my wrappers.

Hold hands firmly hold hearts gently- I can deal with this one…I like hand holding

Share a secret- I can do that and have

Trust with your heart and not your head- the verdict is still out on this one for me

Chocolate always loves you back- Really???

God of Justice- Move me into action

Okay so I really like Tim Hughes as a worship artist. He is probably one of my favorites. I love how the songs bring me into worship and the lyrics speak to my heart. Lately I have been listening to God of Justice on his latest album. I mean, listening to it over and over on repeat in my car. I do that sometimes, I can listen to music and watch movies over and over and enjoy it. Sometimes I like to know the ending and what is going to happen, since I never seem to know for my own life:-) Anyway, I digress.

 This song is amazing and speaks to my heart over and over again.

The parts that really speaks to me: 

“We must go live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go
Stepping forward keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go”

I love that “keep us from just singing”. I think of my life and wonder how often I am moved by lyrics in the moment, or even later in my car but when do I move into action? I am praying about this now with God. God moving me into action, I feel I have been dormant long enough. We are called to “feed the hungry, stand beside the broken, we must go. Fill me up and send me out”. I know this is just the beginning of what God is doing.

Today in my class, I teach 7th grade English (one of many subjects) and we were reading out loud this story of a girl who was a refugee from Nazi Germany. She ended up in a refugee camp here in America after losing her mom and brother. The story is about these two young girls both writing in their diary about life and the interaction they have with each other. I normally read the story to the class (less time) and today when I was reading it from the Jewish girl’s perspective and the injustice she had to deal with I couldn’t keep my eyes from watering. It wasn’t even that great of a story or moving but for some reason I saw her still in the refugee camp in NY, with barbed wire all across the top, and being afraid of what was to come. It made me think of the song.

I know God is trying to speak, I am trying to listen… I know there is more to life then where I am living and I am expecting God to move. Move me into action… I must go.

“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future”- Oscar Wilde

Past- Today I was thinking of the past, not just the past of my city, my country, or the world but of my past and the situations, places, and specifically the people in it. Do you ever wonder where those people are? The ones that you were very close to but no longer keep in touch with? The ones that you had so much fun with but no longer speak to. I sometimes think of these people- maybe my 8th grade boyfriend, or best friend  growing up, a neighbor that I use to live next to,  a long ago prom date, a best friend from college, a travel partner who lives in another state. There are many that I think of, sometimes a lot and sometimes not. But I do think of you. I remember the fun times and the sad. I think about small things, things that meant a lot. A note, a call, a get together. I think of these things and wonder how they have shaped me. I wonder would I be the same without you?… I wouldn’t and I know it. I am thankful that you were a part of me and who I am. Without our past we have no present and nothing to look forward to in the future. It is what has helped shape us into who we are. I am thankful for mine.

Hello world!

I am new to this but plan to give it a try. Feel free to comment freely on anything you think is worthy of comments. This is more for me than for you.